Indian Men and the Mera Rajabeta Syndrome.

Warning: Rant post ahead!

They say, it takes a village to raise a child!.
Chinese knew what it meant when they stated the above adage. But in India it should only take a strong woman. And not just one, but two or three and earlier it would've been more.
What is it about Indian men and also many women , I don't understand , that they cannot snap out of  their  outdated patriarchal attitude.

I am someone who takes a lot of pride in raising my son, I have sacrificed a bright career that I could have had, my financial independence and more crucial things like straight hours' sleep and   nourishment  for the sake of it. But I don't want to be taken for granted.

I have always wanted to know from a man's ( esp Indian) perspective :

- How does it feel not to think about what to cook for the next day?
- How does it feel to sleep undisturbed, because you are the one going to work.?
- How does it feel to not worry what else can be tried to satisfy your picky eating toddler?
- How does it feel to be unperturbed by your own mother's dodgy knee?
- How does it feel when your wife has to remember your best friend's ( even your dad's)  birthday for you.
- Tell me how does it feel when you don't have to worry about piled up laundry or untidy house
- How does it feel to not participate at all in anything and call yourself the MAN of the house.

Somebody really did name this attitude of Indian men aptly. The  Mera-Raja-Beta-Syndrome. 
These men just grew up ...... they have gotten everything they needed with such ease that they wouldn't know the trouble that went behind it. And they expect the same easiness in their lives.

I don't want to judge these women who brought them up. I give them neither any blame nor any praise.

I am not interested to know if you ( Indian man) , are better than your cousin or your Padosi. Are you better than what you were yesterday?

Don't say my expectations are high, because you unlike other men, don't hangout or drink and spend out of your way. I don't do any of it either and that is not the excuse I give for not showing up for my duty as a mother and wife.

And also ... when you are past 30 and already have a Rajabeta of your own, I think its high time you up-ed your game .


P.S : Sorry, sometimes I have to just take it off my chest and lay it all down without sugarcoating any of it. And tomorrow yet again I shall resume my chores ( read slog away as usual) as the devout and dutiful Indian woman!

.Feeling Meh!







No 25 : CHECK!

I have successfully knocked off one of  the 30 things in my list!

- To get published somewhere/anywhere

So when Parentous send me an email asking if I were interested in contributing, I leaped and grabbed the opportunity.

And I get to write for them something every month about my Mommy-life, which is even better.

So here goes my debut article .

The title grabbed all the eyeballs!



Caution! Do not get too carried away by the title. MasturDating only means to take yourself out on a date. And that’s just what I did on my last birthday and I fell instantly in love with the word and the whole experience.
Mums and Masturdating
If like me, you are the kind who had a truckload of nurturing hormones waiting to explode and couldn’t wait to be a Mother, then may be you shall relate to my story.
We are the likes of those who who read up every single birth experience, expert advice and community discussions that are available on the internet. We are so thrilled that we want the baby to arrive, like, tomorrow. And we are also such; that we either underestimate or are oblivious to the colossal exhaustion that will follow this tiny being’s arrival. And thus what do we get? That thing which we believed won’t happen to us…because we thought we would be busy being deliriously happy! Yes, I mean Postpartum Depression!
Then suddenly we hate everyone, including the dear and near ones who are trying to be helpful. We are crying a river, because that favourite bra doesn’t fit anymore. And then we worry because we fear our attitude as a parent might affect the child. We’ve all been there and done that!
In my case , I was so devoted to my child that I conveniently forgot to devote some time to myself. Being a stay-at-home-Mom, I missed simple things like having a meal and actually enjoying it peacefully, reading a book, window shopping, and those sacred seconds you get to pee, ALONE!
It took me more than a year to realise that maybe a break is what I need. And so that’s when I decided to gift myself a day off for my birthday. I started preparing my husband months ahead on our baby’s routine. How he likes his formula, what tricks to show him if he refuses his vitamin, what song to sing for his lunch time, what story for his nap , where lies his favourite book, and where his toy.
And when the day arrived I spent so much time preparing instructions for my husband that I lost half a day. But the other half of that day still remains to be the highlight of my year so far. I didn’t skydive or scuba dive. I simply enjoyed a book and a meal all by myself in a quiet mall nearby. And pampered myself with some retail therapy.
Masturdating for the day


When I came back I realised I had brought back a very refreshing peaceful vibe which helped me take on my maternal responsibilities with more joy and patience. It suddenly struck me that I must be crazy not to have done this before. And guess what, as an unexpected consequence, my husband thoroughly enjoyed his Daddy-time with the baby has become more confident and interested in handling him. Infact Daddy turned out to be a bit more creative and fun with playtime than Mommy was.
So if you are a stay at home Mom, then it is only natural for you to long for some of the basic simple pleasures of existence. But if you also have an even tempered and extremely understanding husband like I do or someone similar in your life, do not wait as long as me to Masturdate. It works like magic!!